Of Preludes and Nocturnes

It takes MUCH MORE THAN THAT to take the life of the resilient soul-

-but I disgress.

On a particular Monday of some time past, the mind of this poor vessel almost crumbled onto itself - a very VERY horrific enactment of the worst kind of entropy ever imagined.

Because of only one little factor called failure.

Because failure, in this case, does NOT exist in thy's dictionary. And/or life. They never do - 'coz I never get to know them, and DIDN'T want to know them. And thus, IT has visited me in turn for a little...bite.

I don't partake to this...THING...called failure well. Hence the near-devastating impact it had upon this person's mind and spirit that thy soul finally took its own toll. Forced to enter the darkest abyss, the brink of death awaits behind those ebony doors.

Fortunately, there is hope. Salvation, if you will call it. In the form of a certain...guardian. I would have loved to term the being thy guardian angel, yet he is borne of the demonkind, and YET the great possessor of a proud spirit, with a humane heart, and so much more that he is truly well beyond this world, beyond wild imagination, so far as possibly to be even beyond dreams.

I shall not reveal who the person is. A little guesswork is in order - yet I bear no prizes for guessing it right, for one can ever-always get the answers from Wikipedia. 'Tis not fair - it's considered cheating. Hence, you're welcome to try - only once. 'Coz it's not hard after all - child's play.

But alas, there were a few...other sentient beings that had to go...act of self-sacrifice for a greater reason. This I promise them - I WILL GET THEM ALL BACK, eventually.

Even though there's the reality-faceted fact that most of the things that I'd treasured is always ALWAYS taken away from me...I will do my utmost back to win them back, by hook, or by crook, and if I have to chop my way through to get what I want...I will.

...for the time being, I nursed thy wounds after that behumbling little affair. I am losing more sleep than Hannibal Lecter having sleepless nights, yet I know I have to persevere - for am I not, after all, the Resident Trickster God?... I'll never questioned that fact. Thy truth is laid bare for all who cares to see NOT look.

Yet a new chapter is waiting to be read, just as this wonderfully wicked show is comoing to an end. I had initially wanted to revel in it, but now...I don't care. I could hardly care, for the care on my shoulder that was my burden for all this while has been chipped away for all I care - because, thus, and hence, I can't and PRETTY MUCH don't care either.

...I only wished to see through the White Christmas, that's all. Enough bitter memories of yonder years. If Your Lordships would do me the honour, I thank thee profusely from thy inner heart and soul. I know, perhaps I'm asking a bit too much from Lord Morpheus after he'd tried to protect my passage through the Dreaming (and I shall be forever indebted to your revelation, milord), but alas, can't an old being like thee dream somemore before the End of everything?...

...*chuckles softly* Yet here I am, being a little tad too greedy again. *sigh*

For now, sleep beckons. Thy wonderful alter-ego is persistently trying to get me to call it a night (or rather now, an early day), and there is His Lordship to contend with...

I bid thee the same words I'd pleaded a few nights ago - and 'tis NOT wishful thinking, but really, a sincere desire - "Will His Lordship guide me to the light of salvation...please? I'll go anywhere you go, and I'll be good, I promise..."

-Lammy-Loki-

'Tis be the night, of all nights. XD

'Tis be the night of all nights, and thus let them come.

OH, yes, let them come. The whispers of the echoes resounded in answerance.

For don't we need to let them revel in your dark glory?

I smiled a small quiet smile. Ah yes. Of course. 'Tis it's coming upon us when the moment's right. The Fimbul Winter is starting, after all.

The mortals have yet to realize. Times have changed, as I oh so happen to remark often these days. Alas, my kins do not take notice, for often not they wonder, words of a madman coming from me is at best not to be listened - because they're afraid.

Afraid. Yes. I did not merely need to smell fear reeking of them in vibes wherever I am around - their windows to their very souls have shown me so much more.

And I think I spied something else too. Something, that I have not seen for a VERY long time, coming.

Have you ever seen the spirit of Awe? Sister of fear, and cousin of hate? I see much fear in my brethren's lives, but more often the hateful cousin rather than the wonderful awe. For of course, men are forever in the doldrums of Envy - part 2 of the Original Sin. And with Envy, comes Pride. And with them all, forever now and always, Little Jealousy and Cousin Hate.

But now, once in a while, I get to see a glimpse of awe sometimes. Minute, small, fragile, but nonetheless there.

Alas, of course, mere mortals wouldn't understand this purity. It's gotten to their heads - as the One-Eyed-Jack used to mutter to me, "In this land of the blind, deaf and mute, only yours truly can see it all."

Indeed, indeed.

But upon conversation with a certain Dr.Hannibal Lecter, I have to confess, my views upon mankind is slightly altered if not wholly change. Though I do not really approve his actions (and here I am contradicting myself again), I have to understand that such beings as close as me do NOT require compassion from loathsome people.

Pity is a virtue, but Mercy is never who she is. Sympathy is long corrupted, and Empathy is trying her best to become a valid peacemaker between the beings, filling in the shoes of its long-dead occupant, only now known as Little Mary.

And alas, who do we sought but the kingfisher from Halcyon. We seldom see him now, too, for current circumstances does not permit his return. *sigh* I miss the olden days of tranquility, when we always get together for a good drink or two. And he'll dance his little dance upon the waters - in emulation of the grand Madame Butterfly who can awakened a hurricane from the seas just by merely beating her little wings.

Ah well. The time is imminent.

But milord, we must make preparations. The echoes rang again.

Hasten.

So be it, and mote it be. 'Tis the night, of all nights, after all. I've long awaited this night, and I long to relish in it however much time I have, before it elapses further from my grasp once again...into the descending moon. Not rising moon this time - Halloween's a little late this year.

And ah...I smell the breeze now. Tender strokes in my hair.

...I see. Alright. Lord Morpheus and the other Night Lords have promised a gathering, and a wonderful troupe is playing tonight - I long to see the new emergence of Faust from his Slumber.

And thus, I bid thee good night, children, sleep well, and may your dreams be ever sweet.

-Lammy-Loki-

And I can't even see the ending of the show.

...for there's a traitor in our midst.

There is a certain limit for beings such as I when it comes to giving, and gaining, trust. When I am your friend, I trust you as a friend.

And because I trusted you as a friend, I also trusted you that as a friend, you will not hurt me, for I will not do anything to hurt you in whatsoever way - unless the need arises.

But that is not the case. Everytime. In every incident.

This friend, did not only took advantage of my generosity, she'd climbed on my head to reach a higher place to get Power. Fame. Status. Recognition.

And in the process, left me broken. Cast away like a broken doll after being used.

The worst thing (and the one that truly infuriates me the most) was, this being will come back to the ground for you - and dance on your grave, above your broken bode, in innocent glee.

But as I've said before...thy soul, is much more resilient than your average mortal life. You may break its spirit once and again, but you CANNOT break its soul. The soul...of good and evil.

For a trickster god, we are the the doer of good and doer of evil, and sometimes, we commit good for a greater evil to play, or otherwise commit evil for the greater good to triumph.

However, because the good counterpart has been...mislaid, the evil counterpart now demands retribution, and a sacrifice of blood in order to be appeased. One way, or the other.

And near kins of thee can testify to Loki's wrath when yours truly does get so mad.

Including thy traitor. My good Iscariot.

Treacherous traitor notwithstanding, there's a war coming.

And my enemy has now become the enemy of my enemy. And thus, like the saying goes, "An enemy of my enemy is my friend."

However, after witnessing the failures of several of my human experiments for JUST this year, I decided not to put too much trust in this new friend of an enemy. Just as I've learn the truly bitter lesson that ALL humans cannot be trusted with, no matter how good or how close are they to you as can be.

BUT it is fun, pulling the right strings and moving the right pawns...to initiate the next round of Ragnarok - and on a larger scale, even. It is only a matter of time before the first blood-letting cry rings out, and I shall watch, from afar...

...pushing the right buttons, charting the right paths, and of course, going on my most favorite trip of all - killing spree, in the end, eventually. But not yet.

For now, the changed beast is coming. This pseudo-Garm, in collaboration with a wrathful Trickster God? Hel is on its way.

And no Jesus, nor Judas, or hell, All-Father, will save those who stand in MY way. I have suffered for too long. Let the Wheel of Retribution spin, and I shall watch how the so-called Great Tyrant and all her Bitches (truly, they're all female dogs, including that traitor o'mine) fall and burn and truly rot in the last level of Hell.

...Just you wait, mortals.

-Lammy-Loki-

INTERMISSION: Operation Interrupt

Apparently, the lovely show's gotten interrupted.

And when it's back on - everything CHANGES. The rhythm, the characters, the plot - I had NEVER expected it to change.

Now the story's become the re-enacting of the conquering of Adolf Hitler - an obnoxious overlord tries to rule with her skinny iron thumb.

...I'm starting to feel the growing tension in the air (of hatred? anger? I wonder) and the clinging of swords being sharpened not too far away.

Will there be bloodshed...again?

Hopefully not by my own hands. Oh no. The consequences would be indescribable. But there's the undeniable feeling that something terrible will happen - a rebellion of sorts, perhaps?

But I've got my own personal battle(s) to look into. Insane lecturers throwing red herring after the other is NOT my cup of tea. Bloodied scripting works that stumped even the greatest of lecturers (who, supposedly, is pro in his field) finally gets itself fixed by his student in 5 minutes (you know who you are ;P). Crappified connections that break every 5 minutes. And for the love of Loki, I'm being distracted by, of all things, a model figurine of Vergil.

And my own workload screams to be completed.

Let it not be said that Cain (who denies and defies practically FOREVER to be named) tries to remind this Abel to sod off and start working or else face the consequences. But alas...even the devil may cry if it is for a loved one, don't you think?

[Sorry, my bad for the utter randomness. I told you I am currently being distracted by the fallen-but-ever-lovable other Son of Sparda.)

But alright, in the end - probably will assume the lassez-faire mode for now until the time's right...to strike.

-Lammy-

Prelude...to Act 1.

Forgive me for saying this, but if you DO grasp the gist of this, I congratulate you on your brilliant insight - if you don't, well, let's leave it as it is then, shall we? Ignorance for the human world is after all, bliss for me.

The prelude of Ragnarok is slowly moving to its next wonderful act - and I am proud to watch it be orchestrated on its own without needing my inteference for it to happen. After all, I'm in a lassez-faire mode now - let things take its own course, as our dear Sisters would see it fit.

For to spoil the performance would be to ask to be thrown out of the opera house, no?

But tsk tsk...I fear that my change of heart would set to change the turn of events...for the better? But it would BE terribly BORING if it takes that course. Reconsidering it, I realize of the other shards of glass winking at me as I trode upon the given chartered path...and realize it does not matter either way, for the show has begun anyway.

And thus, Act 1 begun.



Offering the blessed pure green leaf, we finally opened the 2-way discussion. The Lady Trickster against the innocent and humble diplomat (who once claimed that given that post is no different from taking a dog's job. Pity. I would have offered a better post if I were in his other position, but well). I told him the requirements, he told me his objectives - and for now, we have reached a partial agreement.

1) We will not fight the Battle for HoE if you'd assigned one of our strongly influential (and sadly, hypocritical) member to be the same post - on par with that evil woman (to quote a fellow comrade). The whole legion had, in one voice, voiced their utmost dissatisfaction and objection at having to work under that evil woman, and would, (with my advice), ONLY, answer to any of the Art Directors, than her.

2) We strongly disagree (NOT opposed, as fondly put by our "nice" Ms.Prez) to giving half of our hard-half-year's earnings away to goddamn-hypocrites bearing the crest of Charity - it is JUST not worth our effort, and the Great Ms.Prez thinks everyone else around her is a brain-fuddling zombie to be ordered around. Even the diplomat quietly voiced his dissatisfaction for that decision made. I offered a bit of advice as per my role - take 1/3 or less, preferably 10-20%. PLEASE.

Now it's up to him to forward that little choice. And probably get burned in the process. 'Tis sad, for don't war require sacrifices...? At least we'd meet at a point somewhere - and he offered his aid that if we ever needed an outlet to voice our opinions, he would be ready to hear it. *claps hands* At last, at last.


And what about the rest of Act 1? It is coming soon. Patience is the key, after all. I have yet to see how the legion would react with this "deed of kindness" extended by the great Ms.Prez. We shall see...we shall see.

For now, something else has demand my attention, and regretfully I have to see to it or I'll face the torment of sleep deprivation once again. Lack of sleep has the tendency to drive this vessel mad, you see, and I do wish to prevent that from happening. Good night, and good luck.

-Lammy-

Freedom is sweet.

Have you ever tasted freedom? The absence of it leaves such a lingering distaste of heartsick that you'd come to appreciate and savour the freedom when it was ever, EVER, given to you.

But alas, I too wonder how long this period of liberation can last...

'Tis be the last day that I'm freed from my eternal prison of Earth's suffering. By tomorrow, I'll be back, trounging the lanes and chambers of horror once again in this well-meaning-but-often-not education establishment.

But I could hardly blame the place. It's the humans that pissed me off. Sometimes, literally. I could imagine thyself trying to hold back the mental fury from exploding through these lips to cause irreparable damage, and often than not, due to the action of trying to bottle up all this anger and frustrations, it's slowly but surely taking a toll upon this human spirit/vessel.

So yes, I had one of the most difficult time to go through, the past week. Especially when loneliness crepts in and whispers its poison-laced words at you, making a mockery of your pathetic condition, and trying much to tempt you to eventually doing something irreversibly stupid. Thank the heavens for willpower and the perseverance of this soul to hang on.

So while I stood in the Garden of Hope to reminiscene of days long gone, I'd reassess my situation, and found me to be actually in a position of power to do one or more trickery. Each with its own consequences, perhaps as a little payback to what they've done to me (well, here we go on the wheels of karma). But after hearing what my beautiful protege have to say, I decided to let it all go, and I also learn an important lesson on that day.

The power of forgiveness.

It is quite...difficult at first to accept it. Accept the ugly truth, and to accept it with conviction. But I have done it, and looking back, I guess it is one of the right decisions made after all this while.

By learning to forgive others, you learn forgive yourself.

I understand, the human spirit is unpredictable. They're the Jekylls and Hydes of reality. One minute they're impossibly nice to ya, the next they'd happily sink a few blades into your back without you knowing it (and oftentimes than not, they themselves do not realize it. Amazing, humans.)

And thus, if one is to blame on the seven deadly sins, REMEMBER, it was humans who CREATED those sins, in the first place. I don't blame it on Pandora who unleashes the ultimate evil upon earth (for she tried to redeem herself by releasing a pathetic-but-nonetheless-has-its-role-to-play entity called Hope), and I don't blame Zeus for putting it all merrily into a little toy box for a stupid little chum to open, BUT I do want to point the finger at the two little-biped animal who'd overran this earth to its driest point in lifetimes uncounted FOR the misery they'd love to wrought upon other lives, all in part due to their selfish human nature.

Why do humans loves to watch others suffer? I don't understand. Most of all, (and a particular personal one), why do I see myself suffering for their actions?

Hence, I pulled the opposite response - instead of initially thinking to let the Earth burn (whether by the courtesy of the One-Winged Angel or Megatron or anyone else with the talent to destroying worlds...oh yes, that includes a Mr.Galactus), I'll just forgive the humans who'd brought me the untold suffering beforehand, to do away with the pain and agony, and let there be a clean slate for the two of us.

And thus, from that moment on...Freedom came to me on her two silver wings, and gave me a kiss on the head as a reward for doing so well. I smiled in agreement, and took in all that's left in her wake - and truly tasted salvation.

And as I'd mentioned before...freedom, has never tasted this sweet.



Alas, I truly wish them humans would not take it away from me now.

-Lammy-

P.S. Will be back at TOA on Monday 9th July 2007. Will be expecting the next wave of "destruction", and I'm ready to counter it - with this new-found realization.